I don’t need a smartphone. A phone is a phone. If I’m in a burning building I can still call for help without needing to play angry birds whilst doing it.
If you have an iphone and you’re in a building that’s on fire and you call 911 and the fire department tells you they’ll be arriving within 5 minutes. You’ll respond with ‘OK. I’ll play some angry birds whilst I’m waiting and change my facebook status to burning to death.‘ You might as well kick back and ask Siri to play some music. ‘Siri, can you recommend a song?‘ Siri responds, ‘How about Nelly’s popular hit, Hot in here?‘
Next thing you know, you’re surrounded by raging flames as your iphone blares out, ‘It’s getting hot in here. So take off all your clothes.‘ The police will then ask the firefighters after the incident. ‘Why did this gentleman die naked?‘ The firemen will have no choice but to respond, ‘Someone told him to take off all his clothes.‘ The police will be puzzled asking, ‘Why did he do that?‘ At which point the firemen will say, ‘Because it was getting hot in here.‘
Can you imagine if King Kong won best actor? The awards host will have to say, ‘I’m sorry but sadly King Kong couldn’t be with us today to collect his award. I know it is a very tragic accident that he fell off a building. We have truly lost a incredible acting talent and the film industry will be poorer because of it. I hope to see some positive news come out of this rather unfortunate moment by praying that New York pass some health and safety laws to prevent further repeats of these kinds of accidents. Perhaps a warning sign around skyscrapers that reads… Danger: Tall building. Do not climb.’
I heard Disney is thinking about a High school musical remake set in Colorado. It’ll be called Columbine: High school musical. They think it’ll be a huge hit with the goth crowd. Although they’re worried about the number of shots they’ll to film if each take goes wrong.
I was in San Francisco last week and I thought that place was bad. The only good thing about Washington D.C is that nobody is sh-tting on the sidewalk.
I’m sure GOD will spare San Francisco from eternal damnation if he could find at least 5 men in the city that didn’t menstruate.
When you hear people tell others to check their privilege at the door. It makes me wonder if this ‘door’ is like some kind of airport where you have to queue up for 3 hours to go through some kind of porno-scanner. Just to make sure you’re not trying to sneak in some unverified privilege that you haven’t paid import duties and Value Added Tax on.