U fink you iz funny, mate?

I was at a female comedian stand up show when I found her to be incredibly annoying. So I decided to leave. At that moment she spotted me and shouted, “You leaving so soon, mate? Can handle a strong funny woman?” Not wanting to be mocked by a piss poor excuse for a comic. I said, “I’m a doctor. I’ve been called out on an emergency. Are you going to make fun of that?” The feminist comic shook her head and apologised for her snide remark. I smiled and said, “Your mother has fallen down the stairs in shock upon hearing her daughter thinks she’s some kind of talented comedian.

My friend talks about the dignity of assisted suicide. I said to him, “If you believe in assisted suicide you should cut off your own dick because the poor bastard has suffered far too much neglect already. Let him die.

I saw my friend the other day and laughed at him, “Your penis has suffered years of self-abuse and neglect by everyone except the neighbours jack Russell dog.” The dog sees it as a small friend to play with. You see the neighbours dog as a bigger brother to play with.

The only time anybody laughs at my friend trying to be funny is when I crack jokes at his expense or when his pants fall down and a Jack Russell dog chases you around the room thinking your penis is its own tail.

The only time my friend can ever be funny is when he pulls his pants down to his ankles before attempting to run in circles until he trips over his own feet and falls flat on his face.

I imagine people get an immense sense of self-satisfaction from working at the BBC and making over-indulgent TV programs that nobody wants to watch but get to do it at the British Public’s expense.

I bet BBC employees get the most smug sense of pleasure knowing they are wasting vast sums of public money every time they show up for work.